Grumpy old fart!!!

"If you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

Jewish Law


Recently I received the following email from a friend; I found it so amusing that I just had to share it. Orthodoxy has a lot to answer for.

In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.  The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.  It’s funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination … End of debate.

      I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

      1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations.  A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.  Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

      2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

      3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15: 19-24.  The problem is how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

      4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord – Lev.1:9.  The problem is my neighbours.  They claim the odour is not pleasing to them.  Should I smite them?

      5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

      6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don’t agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

      7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

      8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

      9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

      10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman,
Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

(It would be a damn shame if we couldn’t own a Canadian 🙂

July 27, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

14 Comments »

  1. ohhh this is just beautiful, have to share this… just love no 3…

    Comment by Rincewind | July 28, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for the plug and yes number 3 is funny although being a member of the other lot I’m pleased that number 9 receives a mention, not that I ever play football but I did have a jeweller try to give me a pig skin watch strap, like sunlight to a vampire LOL

      Comment by summertime75 | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  2. […] July 28, 2010 Jewish Law (via Grumpy old fart!!!) Posted by Rincewind under Humour | Tags: funny as hell, Humour, jew, religion | Leave a Comment  Everyone who does enjoy religion and discussing religion, do read this one, it’s a great letter… I truly laughed out loud… No 3 is my favourite… Recently I received the following email from a friend; I found it so amusing that I just had to share it. Orthodoxy has a lot to answer for. In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.  The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.  It’ … Read More […]

    Pingback by Jewish Law (via Grumpy old fart!!!) « Erotixx photoblog | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. I’m with Rincewind. This is too good not to pass along!

    Comment by IzaakMak | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  4. […] Recently I received the following email from a friend; I found it so amusing that I just had to share it. Orthodoxy has a lot to answer for. In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It' … Read More […]

    Pingback by Jewish Law (via Grumpy old fart!!!) | I Want Ice Water | July 28, 2010 | Reply

  5. I am laughing so hard — this was brilliant and reminds me of an episode of the West Wing where President Bartlet did exactly that same kind of thing: The President is meeting with Radio Personalities and there is one particular Radio Host who is similiar to Dr. Laura. And he..gives her a piece of his mind…Check it out. I think you’ll enjoy it!

    Wonderful Letter! Thank you!

    Comment by carmenlezeth | July 29, 2010 | Reply

    • Thanks for the Youtube link, when ever I see the extracts I always wonder why I didn’t ever watch the show, it really is funny; I especially liked the link which puts the email into context.

      Comment by summertime75 | July 29, 2010 | Reply

      • Hey Sommertime! You’re welcome — it really was a great show (at least the first few seasons anyways — less great later on but still good and worthy of watching). They have re-runs on Bravo at 8am and 9am if you have Tivo. And, although it’s nearing the end of the middle half of the show, for whatever reason, they’ll start up again showing it from the beginning again soone enough. I bet you’d love it. And the scary thing is — it so parallels today on so many levels. Kinda freaky! Art vs Real life.

        Comment by carmenlezeth | July 29, 2010

  6. As far as politics and art go the characters are often equally ridiculous, where else would you find a prime minister with a pet for a deputy? LOL

    Comment by summertime75 | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  7. […] Recently I received the following email from a friend; I found it so amusing that I just had to share it. Orthodoxy has a lot to answer for. In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.  The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.  It' … Read More […]

    Pingback by Jewish Law (via Grumpy old fart!!!) « The Intoxication of Vera Roberts | July 29, 2010 | Reply

  8. I read this quite awhile ago, and it still cracks me up. Try to bring any of this up to a bible-belter, and they have no clue. Funny stuff.

    I did a post on an old religious(?) deal: http://jammer5spolyrant.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/sunday-reading/

    Comment by jammer5 | August 2, 2010 | Reply

    • I think that is the problem with orthodoxy it doesn’t leave any room for negotiation, everything is back and white, right or wrong. I have to admit that could be a good outlook on life, no room for question but not if you have an enquiring mind, or just like to argue – I love it when the Jehovah’s Witnesses come round, great fun arguing, I think that I need to find a hobby or just get out more LOL

      Comment by summertime75 | August 2, 2010 | Reply

  9. […] found this following a comment regarding my post Jewish Law   I just love the simplicity of it […]

    Pingback by Religion Explained « Grumpy old fart!!! | August 2, 2010 | Reply


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